Cyber bullying is a huge problem in
the USA. The punishments for cyber bullying should be stricter to prevent these
crimes from happening. Cyber bullying is harassment over the internet or cell
phones targeted at minors. Bullying is something that always goes on during
school. When the students go home that is where the bullying stops. With cyber
bullying it continues at home. The students never get a break from the
harassment. The internet and cell phones are a big part of our everyday life. A
large amount of people are on social networks, like Twitter, Instagram, and
Facebook constantly through the day. These social networks are one of the
main areas where the cyber bullying happens. Cyber bullying also happens over
texts. The bullying consist spreading rumors, posting embarrassing photo,
starting hate groups, and posting hateful things on someone’s profile.
There are so many tragic results that come from cyber bullying. A lot of
students become stress out and it affects their school work. According to Gale
“Cyber bullying has also been
linked to delinquency and violence, substance abuse, possession of weapons on
school grounds, and suicide.” (Gale
2012) Some even want to take their own life because they feel like there
is no escape from the consist harassment.
"Cyberbullying." Opposing Viewpoints Online
Collection. Detroit: Gale, 2012.Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 25 Mar. 2013.
Hi Rosalind I really like your blog topic but the font, color and layout kind of make it hard to read. The topic sentence and the first sentence I think should be switched. In my opinion it flows better. Your support is well done but you changed the font right after which made it a little more awkward. As for transitions, you might want to use other words besides "stricter" it is repetitive and more colorful language may make your argument stronger. Double check your spelling and grammar on bullying, there are several times that you said bulling. The argument is good but it good be better. Try to maybe go more in depth to the problem. You said it was a problem but didn't really give much detail after that. The photo at the end was a nice added touch, just make sure font is legible and appeal to the audience.
ReplyDeleteTopic Sentence- Your topic sentence was good, but using stronger word choice would make it stronger.
ReplyDeleteSupport- A personal example or a quote about a specific case of suicide due to Cyber Bullying would build strong support that something needs to be done about this issue.
Transitions- I did not see many transition words in your paper.
Quote- I did like your quote, but it is not cited correctly in MLA format.
Grammar and spelling- Make sure you are sticking to one tense throughout a paragraph so the reader does not get confused. Also, read over your work for typos.
Strong argument- An argument that you might have to defend is someone saying that a child being cyber bullied can delete their social networks.
One compliment- This is a good topic to choose because a lot of teens are being cyber bullied and it is more common than more people realize.
One suggestion- Try to organize your thoughts/paragraphs together by a sequence. Keep all the awareness groups and positive things that are being done to decrease cyber bullying together in one paragraph and then the results of cyber bullying and why something needs to be done about it in another.
I think that you should change the structure of your blog and not bold the words, its difficult to read. Your topic sentence however could use an attention grabber to get be interested like a surprising statistic that I would want to read more about. I also think you should re read it yourself because it's not hard to find grammar issues to fix. Overall I think you could use more statistics to back your opinion also explain why you are arguing this topic. Have you ever been cyber bullied?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about all of this ,but do y'all do this for examples
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